Basic Elements

In light of Garfield Minus Garfield, (where if you photoshop out Garfield from the strips, it appears that Jon Arbuckle is slowly sliding into the depths of mental illness), I thought it might be interesting to think about what really makes a strip. The answer is surprising.

If someone weren't familiar with comic strips, and you wanted to plainly describe what some of the major ones were about, how would you do it? What are the basic elements of these strips? Well, it appears to be various forms of mental illness.

1. Obese feline
2. Bear with binge eating disorder and a young boy with beastophilia
3. Schizophrenic boy and tiger hallucination
4. Manic-depressive boy and dog with delusions of grandeur
5. Bulimic woman with general anxiety disorder
6. Suicidal cubicle worker and megalomaniac dog

Ready?

1. Garfield
2. Winnie the Pooh
3. Calvin and Hobbes
4. Peanuts
5. Cathy
6. Dilbert

Also just as funny, Realfield.

Captions, please.

Eric 5.

In honor of Eric's pending nuptials, here are 5 things about him that you may not know (and he may not want you to know).

1. Eric is an Eagle Scout. Ok, you probably know this.

2. Eric used to RAGE when he got mad.

3. After meeting Carol, Eric commenced his pursuit of Carol by asking for the names of her many, many siblings. Someone remind me how many there are, how many are in the US, and how many don't live in Cupertino?

4. Eric and I once simultaneously pooped, while only inches away on an outdoors "double toilet." Additionally, post infancy, Eric is among the top 3 people that I have slept within 2 feet of.

5. Eric's house was the gathering point for annual sleepovers of the core group of guys that lived in 7 springs (me, David, Victor, James, Henry, Eric). It would usually be some combination of Eric's nachos, fighting video games, A Bug's Life, pranking James because he always fell asleep first, and donuts in the morning.

And a bonus 6. For those in the know... "SOMEBODY GET ME A SOBE BOTTLE!"

Anyway, congratulations buddy.

That's what the Bachelorette is about??

Yes, I watch the Bachelorette. I'm not really sure what about it appeals to me so much, but theories include the Bachelorette being really hot.

Anyway, this season the Bachelorette takes her suitors all over the world. There are dates in Istanbul, Iceland, Tahiti and New York. Based on that, I feel like I can already say that her relationship from this show won't last. It's pretty easy to generalize from this: every wonder why reality show couples don't last?

Answer: Because how can someone really get to know someone else on a perpetual vacation, where the hardest thing to deal with together is not having enough lobster at dinner? From a simple psychological standpoint, it's just conditioning someone to associate the feelings of excitement and arousal that you get from crazy activities and locations to the other person. Without the psychological analysis, it's the ability to use distractions and diversions to disguise a lack of chemistry, connection and conversation. I'd bet that there's some correlation between fantastical, outrageous and ultimately "cool" dates and the lower the chance of that couple staying together. In short, it's fabricated chemistry.

The notion of fabricated chemistry being bad is a little bit counterintuitive for males, though. That's because males usually try to use fabricated chemistry to our advantage - it's the reason we try to plan exciting and unique dates. Admittedly, most of the time our objective is to fabricate chemistry rather than find a genuine connection. So it's hard to fault the reality show folks when we do this to a smaller scale all the time in real life.

It's a funny thought that our failure and lack of money to plan such amazing Bachelorette-esque dates might actually be a key to successful dating and chemistry. If all guys could plan the dates they really want to plan, it would likely be for the worse.

Hey Bachelorette 2011, you want to really find your match? Try these dates: dish washing, living for 3 days on a tiny budget, and catering to people acting as bitchy in-laws.

I Remember Phil Collins! For now.

It's astounding the number of hits, no less songs, that some artists have. Take Phil Collins for example. It's easy to list off at least 2-3 hits of his, courtesy of Disney's Tarzan. Taking a little more time to think, here's what I've come up with:

Take Me Home
Can't Stop Loving You
Sussudio
Another Day in Paradise
Easy Lover
You'll Be in My Heart
One More Night
Against All Odds
True Colors

Wikipedia tells me that I've missed quite a few, as well.

In his day, it seems like Phil Collins was basically king of the 1980's (with Bryan Adams and Richard Marx as his princes, and Rick Astley at this point as the court jester). Hell, he probably had more well-known songs than Michael Jackson at that point.

But he's clearly not held in the same regard as MJ. So that begs the question: if not the volume of well-known songs, what exactly does it take for an artist to have that special staying power to last through the years?

I don't know. Maybe the "timelessness" or a song, how adaptable the song is over time, and whether it was innovative or not?

Movies.

Every time I have a break, either from school or work, one of my favorite past-times is watching movies. I don't mean watching movies as in going to the theaters on a Friday night - more like sprawling out in front of a screen for hours at a time, indiscriminately binging on any movie I can get my hands on.

1. Obtain movies in one of two ways. First, by bulk downloading them from torrents. Or second, because I'm in Cupertino right now, go to the library and rent a few every day.

2. Watch the first 15ish minutes at normal speed. Then, the movie is subject to a three-level categorization: if it sucks too much, eject and next. If it sucks but has potential to at least be entertaining (stupid comedies, most romantic comedies, most action films), then I'll watch it as fast as I can while still understanding the dialogue, usually around 1.50x speed. If there are subtitles, then I can go up to 2.0x speed without losing anything. If I'm going to waste time, then at least I'm going to minimize it. Finally, if it is a normal, good movie, then I'll watch it at normal speed.

3. Repeat 2-4 times a day.

After cycling through so many plotlines and twists consecutively, it's pretty easy to start to see patterns that all movies use in one form or another. Usually, it's some variation of what I call the "3/5 twist." Things will be going well for the first 3/5 of a movie, and there doesn't appear to be much left to resolve the movie conflict. But then, the second conflict of the movie is introduced, and is usually only tangentially related to the original conflict. Thankfully, it can be neatly resolved in the remaining 2/5 of the movie. Romantic movie example: Guy gets girl. Damning information about guy comes out, causes conflict, then guy wins girl over in the end. Action example: Team kills tons of putties. Apparent unexpected hitch occurs in plan. Team must use cunning to overcome hitch, often sacrificing someone, to achieve end goal.

On an unrelated note, I decided to make a list of movies that most people seem to like, but I just can't get behind for one reason or another.

All Michael Cera movies after Superbad - Let me first say that I really like Michael Cera, but I just don't think he's a great actor. I met him at a screening for Superbad, and guess what, he's really just that awkward of a person in real life. I think the reason he shone in Arrested Development was because he wasn't a central, central character. With him being a leading man, it just kind of gets stale - especially because he is himself in every movie, and every movie is so similar (Enter Michael Cera as awkward teen, play indie music, enter quirky cute girl that inexplicably has interest in Michael Cera, play indie music, they awkwardly converse, indie music, etc.).

The Blind Side - Hilarious. Oh, it wasn't a comedy. Perhaps the movie said it better than I can: "You are changing that boy's life." "No, he's changing my life."

Garden State - I don't know. Personally, I find it difficult to care about characters that are completely off the wall. Though if I'm Zach Braff, I pat myself on the back for being able to cast and makeout with Natalie Portman.

The Fountain - Wait... what? Superficially, okay, fine, immortality demands a price. But what is gained by mixing three semi-related storylines that require a number of leaps to connect?

Coyote Ugly - True, maybe most people didn't really enjoy this movie. But this movie holds a special place in movie-hell for me because it was a chick flick disguised as a sexy movie with tons of half naked girl action. That's just cruel.

There Will be Blood - I woke up just in time for the milkshake line, thank god.

Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind - It's been a while since I've seen this, so I'm just going to say that I didn't like it very much.

Up - I think if you ask anyone what the best part of the movie was, they'll invariably say that it was the beginning with Carl and Ellie. I may have shed a few tears for Ellie. But thinking back, nothing else stands out about the movie except for some of the dogs' dialogue.

Wall-e - I get it. Humans are on a slippery slope to oblivion and we're taking our planet with us. Spare me the too-obvious, smarmy social commentary and put some dialogue into that first 40 minutes so I don't drift off.

Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon - Not that this movie was bad, it just wasn't great. Here's what it really is: it's a modernly-packaged emulation of a style of movie and special effects that have been produced in Hong Kong since the 1970's. It wasn't revolutionary in the slightest, but I'll admit, for those that have never seen that style,was probably fairly awesome. As it turns out, there's a similar backlash among Indians from Slumdog Millionaire. It's the same type of movie, theme and music that have been in Bollywood for years, but are just now presented for western consumption.

Fitness #6

How Intense is Your Workout?

Surprisingly, being in a gym 6-7 days a week doesn’t inspire one to workout more. If anything, you want to keep your workouts as quick as possible so you don’t hav

e to spend any more time there than necessary. However, I think this is a good policy that more people should adhere to. There’s something to be said for the intensity of a workout.

Sunday: Chest/triceps workout

-Incline Bench – 4 sets of 8 @ 215 lbs, drop set

s at 185 and 135
-Dumbbell Chest Fly – 4 sets of 8 @ 40 lbs
-Straight-Arm pullover – 2 sets of 8 @ 80 lbs, 2 sets @ 85 lbs
-Weighted Dips – 4 sets of 8 w/ 100 lbs
-Chest Fly Machine – 3 sets of 10
In and out in 45 minutes.

Now this is intense

Obviously the intensity above is something you have to work up to, but it goes back to my sand dune analogy. Doing all of the above in 1.5 hours instead of 45 minutes is just scratching a layer off of the dune, while really pushing and overloading your muscles really blitzes it. Muscles (and just about all other facets of fitness – cardio capacity, aerobic endurance, etc) grow in accordance with the overload principle (very basically, the body adapts to the stresses you place upon it; the more you put on it, the proportionally greater adaption), so it just makes sense to crank up the intensity of a workout. The ways to do it? More weight, less rest time between sets and more sets/exercises. Right now, I’m choosing to focus on having less time between sets and I’ve seen noticeable strength gains. As always, different things work for different people, but one of these intensity tactics could help you break through your plateaus.

Powerlifters and olympic lifters abstain.

Fitness #5

Protein Supplementation for Weight Loss

Let me be up front – I think protein powder is a great product. Whether it’s whey, casein or egg protein, they all have their uses and it is one of the few supplements that research actually backs up. (Most supplements aren’t FDA-approved, so they can claim literally whatever they want.)

Protein typically gets all the publicity in the context of hypertrophy and generally getting big and jacked, but a far overlooked benefit of it is to those seeking to lose weight and body fat %.

In the context of weight loss, think of protein powder as a substitute. It allows you to get the protein you need to build and retain lean muscle mass while avoiding all the other macronutrients and extra calories that would usually be associated with such a large amount of protein. Avoiding the other nutrients allows you to tap into your fat stores more quickly and easily – basically the main tenet of the Atkins diet. This is especially effective in conjunction with a workout plan because you will need the additional protein for muscle growth and maintenance. Basically, you’re isolating the good parts of a steak and omitting the bad, all in a nice controlled and regulated portion of a scoop. In essence, if you’re looking to shed some pounds, you could take 1-2 scoops of protein instead of the last 1/3 or 1/2 of a meal.

Here’s an article talking about the “VDiet,” which I don’t necessarily condone, but shows the ketogenic (fat burning) effects of a protein diet. Of course, this is the extreme end of the spectrum. Root around the site for Part 2 to see his fairly amazing results.

http://www.t-nation.com/free_online_article/sports_body_training_performance_diet_mass/the_velocity_diet

PS. When buying protein powder, avoid the Pina Colada flavor no matter how tempting it sounds.

Fitness #4

Real World Strength vs. Gym Strength

Jim Olmeyer: Are you just looking to lose weight, or do you want increased strength and flexibility as well?
Lester Burnham: I want to look good naked!
- American Beauty

I think this thought has crossed just about all of our minds. It’s sure crossed Korkie77′s. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with it, but it isn’t very conducive to real world AKA functional strength. Turns out we don’t do the bicep curl or bench press motion much in real life.

I quickly discovered this a few years ago when I was called upon with a couple of my friends to help someone move. It was before I started deadlifting regularly, but I thought “No problem, I workout way more than these guys and can bench press 300+!” Imagine my surprise when they kept pace with me and even outlasted me in carrying the heavy furnishings. My pecs were fresh, but everything else felt like a truck had run over it.

There are only three things that matter in functional terms: the grip, forearms and lower back. Make sure not to neglect these parts because if technology ever crumbles, lumberjacks will rule the world.

Here’s a good grip and forearm (and guitar) exercise: plate pinching. Make sure the smooth sides of the plates are facing outside. Start with sets of 15 seconds and 30 seconds of rest inbetween and go from there.

Fitness #3

Three Quick Thoughts for the Third Month

1. Hands down, the best time to practice your technique in any lift is when you are tired. That’s when it’s the hardest to maintain even normal technique, let alone exemplary technique, so the increased focus and emphasis that you are putting in will be far more likely to carry over to your next session and have great residual effects. It also mimics conditions like when you are going heavy or just trying to pound out a couple more reps in that last set – your muscle memory during these periods of time translates quite well. When you have your technique down, it’s entirely possible that once your muscles give out, your technique can carry you through a couple more reps - and remembering to push through your heels and keep your chin high might be the difference between nailing that new squat max and failure.

2. Pre-exhaustion is a wonderful weapon to add to your arsenal when done correctly. Let’s put this into a concrete context: the bench press. The bench press has two main movers, the pectorals and triceps. Most people happen to be fairly triceps-dominant (unless you have extreme t-rex arms), so what happens is that the triceps compensate mightily for the chest and most of the force and subsequent muscle development goes to the triceps. That’s great if you’re a powerlifter, but most of us bench to hit our chests. In pre-exhaustion, you would do a fairly intense tricep exercise just before you do the bench press. That forces the pectorals to become the main movers (synergists) and will do wonders for your chest growth. So while there is logic to always doing compound, multiple muscle exercises early in the workout and saving your isolation muscle work for later, just put into consideration how this might fit in with your specific goals.

3. My best friend in the gym? My watch. He limits my time between sets, is a standard that lets me gauge how I’m doing in that workout relative to others, doesn’t let me cheat on timed exercises and intervals, makes sure my workouts are always intense and teaches me the value of every second in the gym and how to appreciate rest and make the most of it.

Fitness #2

A Quick Primer on the Science of Avoiding Carbs

No, carbs aren’t inherently bad. They aren’t the devil and they don’t single-handedly cause rising rates of obesity in America. We all know McDonald’s is the cause of that! Kidding…

But the truth remains that we can all afford to cut down on carbs for a few simple scientific reasons.

1. Carbs cause insulin secretion. Insulin basically signals your body to stop burning fat and start the fat (glycogen) storing process for hours to come. In addition, the presence of insulin turns off HGH and glucagon, which are instrumental in muscle development and fat burning. Frequent insulin spikes can lead to insulin insensitivity, and we all know what that can lead to – diabetes.

2a. Carbs aren’t your primary energy source. Generally, fats are your preferred, first energy source, proteins go to your muscles and carbs are stored (a vestige of our ancestors) and your secondary energy source. So when you eat fats, they are consumed first, leaving your current stores of fats and carbs untouched and growing if your energy expenditure isn’t great enough. When you eat carbs, you’re just adding to the stockpile of calories to burn behind the fats that are always present. Basically, fats go to the front of the calorie consumption line and carbs to the back, so they are far more conducive to being stored. You’re always playing catchup.

2b. I suspect one of the biggest reasons that “fat makes you fat” became so prevalent starting in the 80′s was that fats are 9 calories per gram, whereas protein and carbs are only 4 calories per gram. This means, yes, it does take more to burn off a calorie of fat. But what good does it do if you never get past your quotient of fats to the carbs?

2a and 2b were extremely simplified for ease of application.

3. The satiation factor of carbs is far less than protein or fat. This means simply that you will need to eat more carbs to feel the same amount of fullness that you get from a smaller amount of proteins or fats. Because of this, carbs discourage portion control.

So you can see that it can be good to have a higher fat, higher protein and lower carb diet. I suggest something to the tune of 40% protein, 30% fat and 30% carbs… yes this is applicable to you women as well. (Another note about fats: there are many good and even necessary ones. The omegas are quite beneficial and your organs need a certain amount of fat. Take amenorrhea for example, the lack of body fat starts adversely affecting bodily functions.)

Oh, right.

Dear paltry few readers,

Hello. Long story short, I've seen or partaken in some outrageous shit this past year that I would like to share incrementally. However, I will ease myself from into this boiling jacuzzi slowly and start with a few posts from the Sunnyvale Fitness blog, the gym where I used to work.

Missing the Point – Planning Your Program

Sometimes, a little bit of knowledge can be a bad thing.

This is especially true in the fitness sphere because there is so much unsubstantiated conjecture and dogma floating around. For example,
-Eating fat makes you fat.
-All heavy weights will do is bulk you up, light weights are for toning.
-Steady-state cardio (treadmill, elliptical, bike) will burn more fat than weights will.
(Anyone guilty of parroting any of the above?)

Basing a fitness plan off of conclusions like this, ones that don’t tell the whole story, without investigating the rationale behind them is just asking for trouble. Here are a few real-life examples that I believe illustrate this very clearly:

1. W knows that marathon runners carbo-load before races and long runs sometimes, so he starts carbo-loading before he comes in for sessions. Marathon runners will log upwards of 80 miles a week, and he trains for 3 hours a week. He doesn’t understand why he is gaining fat.

2. X knows that we utilize glucose stores when we workout. He proceeds to eat three protein bars during each 1.5 session of training in order to keep his “glycogen repositories” high. It takes at least 30 mins for the stomach to start digesting food and I don’t even know how much longer until it is able to make use of the nutrients. He doesn’t understand why he still gets tired at the end of his workouts.

3. Y knows that the spine is relatively fragile, so she avoids all movements that involve bending over. This causes muscle imbalances, posture and flexibility problems from a weak lower back that doesn’t gain strength. She doesn’t understand why she still has back pain, even though she goes to great lengths to keep it fresh.

4. Z knows that spandex breathes well, so he wears it every day. The knowledge that he’s missing is that he really should not be wearing things so form-fitting.

Just kidding (sort of) about 4, but you get the point. Make sure you are knowledgeable about the tenets you build your program around.